Why aren’t amino acids called “amateur teins”?
It wasn’t apropos—it was the propos.
Things used to turn on a dime. With inflation they turn on a dollar.
Nothing had changed. So had everything.
How much power does it take for your phone to warn you the battery is low?
Creaky door in a full house on a summer afternoon—no big deal.
Creaky door in an empty house in the middle of the night in late fall or early winter—utterly terrifying.
Creaky door in an empty house in the middle of the night in summer—hey, might as well check it out, it’s not like you have to get dressed or anything.
“How can we get people to come to the event?”
“I could give out samples of my wine cake.”
“I’m not sure about that.”
“Oh, it’s not what it sounds like. It’s soaked in vodka!”
The dessert known as a Baked Alaska in the United States is called a Norwegian Omelet in France.
One-hundred and eighty minutes later we realized it had been three hours.
Do cowboys ever pretend they’re 7-year olds?
Was “Bingo” the name of the dog or the farmer?
Did telegram messengers use stationery bikes?
I’ve never run a Marathon but one summer I did work as a clerk at one of their gas stations.
You don’t meet a lot of women with “Jr.” after their name.
We chose the Czech airport for reasons that were purely Prague-matic.
My life was influenced by the Greek philosopher Mediocrites.
Why is there lemonade but no grapefruitade, kumquatade, or banananade?
“They really treat you like family at this restaurant!”
“Here’s your bill, and as soon as you’re done you can start washing the dishes.”
In the end the salmon was a red herring.
Ray Bradbury said, “Write a short story every week. It’s not possible to write 52 bad short stories in a row.” Prove him wrong.