What, Me Worry?

So my wife is worried about me. I suppose that’s a good problem to have, for me at least. It’s not so good for her, especially when I wander into the kitchen and say, “We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese” and then wander out again. I guess I can see why that would worry almost anyone who doesn’t know what’s going on inside my head, including me. Half the time I don’t know what’s going on in my head either, mainly because I’m not there, but that’s another story.
Anyway what I specifically had in mind that she’s worried about, before my mind got distracted and had to go running off to look at something shiny, is that because it’s getting dark earlier drivers might not see me as I’m walking home from the bus stop. I’m more worried about the lack of sidewalks or the fact that there’s a house up the street that’s being renovated and probably going to be flipped and the construction crews park their trucks in the street instead of the driveway so drivers have to pull into the opposite lane just to get by. And then there’s just getting to the bus stop. I have to cross two major intersections and at both of them at least one or two cars will speed right through the red lights or ignore the WALK signal and try to drive over me. And that happens in broad daylight.
My wife got me a reflective vest to wear on my way home and I dutifully stuffed it into my bag and walked to the bus stop in the afternoon. I didn’t put it on because I thought I’d look like a schmuck walking along in broad daylight wearing a reflective vest, and I didn’t think it would have any effect on the drivers who speed through red lights anyway. I waited a while once I was on the bus but when it started getting close to my stop I pulled it out and put it on, and that’s when I realized it wasn’t a vest but reflective straps, and I thought I looked like a schmuck putting on reflective straps while sitting on the bus. And it came with reflective armbands that are kind of tight so I had to take one end in my teeth and pull the other end around.
Then I walked home in the growing dark with the reflective straps on thinking I still looked like a schmuck, but at least a schmuck that drivers could see.

14 Comments

  1. Alien Resort

    It’s not a bad looking vest.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Thank you. I’m glad I can be both visible and fashionable.

      Reply
  2. BarbaraM

    Good for your wife and good for you for taking her seriously and wearing them. If you still get hit by a car, everyone will know that the car driver was the schmuck and not you.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      She’s very smart like that, and I’m sure she’ll find a good use for the large amount of money she gets from suing the driver who hit me.

      Reply
  3. Arionis

    I think it’s pretty stylin’!
    Arionis recently posted…Time to Replace Some CogsMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Fashion has never been my number one concern but if I can look good and not get hit by a car I call that a win-win.

      Reply
  4. Jay

    A well-loved schmuck – and what does that say about all the schmucks in non-reflective vests whose loved ones clearly don’t value their lives nearly as much.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Every schmuck deserves to be loved, which is why I keep a careful eye out when I’m the one behind the wheel. And believe me, I’ve seen a lot of schmucks crossing the street lately.

      Reply
  5. Moonwatcher51

    She loves you. It’s a handsome walking harness. Maybe you can all get matching stripes. Definitely makes you visible. You could stand against walls and pretend you’re graffiti!
    Moonwatcher51 recently posted…Hello world!My Profile

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Standing against walls and pretending I’m graffiti is a great idea. Maybe the cops will arrest me for vandalism and I can talk them into giving me a ride home.

      Reply
  6. Ann Koplow

    Don’t worry, Chris. You never look like a schmuck.
    Ann Koplow recently posted…Day 2558: SuccessMy Profile

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I appreciate that you, Ann, don’t see me as a schmuck even when I feel like one.

      Reply
  7. Tom

    You know what would go great with that vest? A bicycle helmet.

    Tell the wife I’ll pitch in. 😉

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I have it on good authority that bicycle helmets are very helpful. Can I get one of those ones with beer cans on either side and tubes to my mouth?

      Reply

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