Selected E-Mails Of Mark Twain.

Source: Wikipedia

 

From: Charles Webster <chaswebster@chatto&windus.tel.uk>

To: Samuel L. Clemens <mark.twain@hellocentral.tel>

Date: August 19, 1876

Subject: Huckleberry Finn

Dear Sam,

The press is ready to go. Have you completed the manuscript for your new novel yet? The idea of a sequel to Tom Sawyer has everyone really excited. We want to get it out soon while the first book is still on everyone’s mind. Please deliver it STAT.

Thanks,

C. Webster

Chatto & Windus, London

From: Samuel L. Clemens <mark.twain@hellocentral.tel>

From: Charles Webster <chaswebster@chatto&windus.tel.uk>

Date: August 22, 1876

Subject: Re: Huckleberry Finn

Dear Charles,

At present Huck and Jim have just had an unfortunate accident with a riverboat, and there we must leave them for now. Their fate is uncertain, as is that of the four hundred odd pages I have written which I only like tolerably well. It is mere stubbornness that prevents my hand from moving the entire folder to the disposal icon.

Speaking of riverboats I’m cogitating a cruise up the Mississippi myself. Perhaps I will take the time to write down an alternative idea, that of two boys from different societal strata, one desperately poor, the other very rich, perhaps an aristocrat, who discover a remarkable resemblance and trade places. I think it might be best suited to the Tudor period. What do you think?

-SLC

“Put the voices of the past behind you.”–Thucydides

From: NetWorkers <requests@networkers.gph>

To: Mark “Frisbee” Twain <mark.twain@hellocentral.tel>

Date: April 5th, 1872

Subject: NetWorkers Connection Request

Walt Whitman would like to add you to his NetWorkers connections.

From: Samuel L. Clemens <mark.twain@hellocentral.tel>

To: NetWorkers <requests@networkers.gph>

Date: April 6th, 1872

Subject: Re: NetWorkers Connection Request

CONFOUND THIS WEBSITE AND THE BUSYBODIES WHO PERUSE IT. I VISITED ONCE AND FOUND IT SO DAMNABLY USELESS I HAVE NEVER RETURNED. HOW DO I DELETE MY ACCOUNT?

–SLC

Hartford, Conn.

“Partake only of that which improves your health.”–Socrates

From: Thomas Smith <tsmithdeals@advancement.gph>

To: Mark Twain <mark.twain@hellocentral.tel>

Date: July 31, 1890

Subject: Re: Linotype Machine

Dear Makr,

I know you’re busy but I wanted to get back to you about Linotyper Inc., the exciting new service you contacted me about. I know you’re just as excited about the possibilities offered by Linotyper as I am. Just reply to this message and I’ll get you the information you requested right away!

Thanks for your interest.

-Thomas Smith

Investment Officer, Linotyper Inc.

To: Thomas Smith <tsmithdeals@advancement.gph>

From: Mark Twain <mark.twain@hellocentral.tel>

CC: Hello Central Tech Support

Date: August 1, 1890

Subject: Re: Re: Linotype Machine

Dear Mr. Smith,

Were you to pay a visit to my home here in Hartford you would notice the fireplace in the billiards parlor has placed before it a most extraordinary screen. It is, as many guests have noted, finely wrought of iron and decorated with fanciful creatures. These are affixed with small clamps that allow their placement to be adjusted at a mere whim and many have been added over the years. It inspired many pleasant evenings of storytelling for my dear children but has never been remiss in its primary function of protecting the rug from stray sparks and cinders even as it allows the fire to warm and illuminate the room.

In regards to your message, I can find no previous correspondence on the subject. I assure you I have conducted a most thorough search of both all the pigeonholes into which I sort all messages as well as that folder which is a receptacle for discards and other refuse, including unsought circulars.

From this I can only conclude that my screen needs to be adjusted lest any more of your stray cinders slip through and ignite my temper.

-SLC

“Travel serves no purpose.”–Columbus

 

6 Comments

  1. Arionis

    Love this. The taglines are a particulary nice touch.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Putting those in was fun. I like to think that if Twain had used email he would have had creative signatures.

      Reply
  2. Gilly Maddison

    This is genius!

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      Thank you. As you can probably guess Twain is one of my favorite writers and he really was a fan of all sorts of new technology, so the rest just sort of wrote itself.

      Reply
  3. James

    Agreed! I love the tag lines, especially Columbus.

    Reply
    1. Christopher Waldrop (Post author)

      I had a feeling you’d like that one. As the sixth Doctor once said about Columbus, “He had a lot to answer for.”

      Reply

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